1. “If men got pregnant, you could get an abortion at the ATM. Let’s state the obvious.” —Selina Meyer on Veep
2. “If men could get pregnant, abortion clinics would be like a Starbucks. There would be two on every block and four in every airport. And the morning-after pill would come in different flavors like sea salt and cool ranch.” —Nasim Pedrad playing Arianna Huffington on SNL
3. “I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for procreation, there’d be paid family leave in every Fortune 500.” —Sam Seaborn on the West Wing
Addendum (1/21/2017): “If penises could do what pussies could do, they’d be on postage stamps.” —Jane Fonda
