In following-up via email, which phrase do you prefer?
(Let’s assume that these messages are not cold pitches — you’re not selling something to a stranger.)
1. Help me understand why you never replied.
2. I can’t figure out why you never replied.
In my view, #1 (“Help me”) puts the burden on the other person, whereas #2 (“I can’t figure out”) keeps the burden on yourself.
On the other hand, when I polled several colleagues, I heard a different perspective. They argue that #2 is a statement of fact that sets up a you/me division, whereas #1 is more collaborative, less confrontational, and action-oriented.
One of these folks adds an addendum (which, as it happens, I recently used myself):
“Either opening can be redeemed if your next sentence concedes that the fault is yours: ‘Did my letter come across as brusque? If so, that certainly is not my intention.’”
Yet another respondent, who views the above replies as aggressive, offers a third option:
“I haven’t seen a reply from you.”
She explains: “Yes, it’s less direct, but it’s less aggressive. It alerts the person to the fact that they haven’t responded but lets it slide as an honest mistake, which it may or may not be :).”
What do you think?
Addendum (2/9/2020): Another colleague offers another option:
4. Just following up — I know it’s easy for emails to get lost in the shuffle.
