Can’t Get Someone to Reply to Your Email? Use This Ingenious Trick From “Uncle Andrew” Carnegie

If you know me, you know the thing I hate above all else is unresponsiveness. Tell me “no.” Tell me you’ll get back to me. Tell me to ask you next month. Just don’t ignore me.

Yet if you were to question folks who don’t reply, I bet they wouldn’t cop to their shortcoming. They’d say, “I was going to.” Or: “I’ve been crazy busy.” Or: “I’m waiting on someone else.” Excuses. Excuses.

Or are they?

To ascertain if people are just bullshitting, I’d love to conduct a little experiment. What if the next time you contacted Unresponsive Ursula, you didn’t make a request, but instead offered a benefit? For example: “I have a client who would be perfect for you. Any interest?” I suspect she’d respond.

This is the exact trick Andrew Carnegie pulled when his sister in law complained that her sons wouldn’t respond to her letters. What did Carnegie do? He sent his nephews his own letters, in which he mentioned, in a postscript, that he had enclosed a five-dollar bill. Yet when the boys opened the envelopes, the money was missing. They immediately wrote back, and inquired about their greenbacks.

The moral of the story? Nobody ever went wrong underestimating another person’s selfishness.

Note: I’m not actually going to do this. But it sure would be fun — and no doubt revealing.

This Is the Email You Desperately Wanted to Send to That Recruiter Who Ghosted You

I’m reprinting the below post, which I received from a ListServ I’m a member of.

Dear [Name of Your Contact],

[The Name of the Employer]’s mission involves fighting for equality for all. That movement starts and ends with how we treat people every day. [Name of Recipient], you promised you would respond to me whether or not I got the job. I did not hear from you and my emails were not returned.

It has never been easier to deliver an uncomfortable message. It takes under a minute to send a form email to an applicant. Between the three phases of the interview process (my original application/essay questions, the assignment, and prepping and participating in a panel interview), I’ve invested at least six hours in this opportunity.

In contrast, you did not muster one moment to get back to me. You appear to hold a belief that your time is more valuable than that of other people, and too valuable to courteously close the loop on a professional interaction with a hopeful candidate.

If you want to truly make a difference in this world and dedicate your professional life to making it a better place, then please consider starting with the basics: By keeping your word and treating others the way you would like to be treated. That’s decency. That will improve the world.

I realized I didn’t get the job some time ago, yet I emailed again in hopes of the acknowledgement I deserve. Just as I aim to professionally advocate for others, so I believe it’s equally important to advocate for myself. Self-advocacy means speaking up when I’m mistreated, just as I do for underrepresented communities. Now I’ve done that.

“Help Me Understand” vs. “I Can’t Figure Out”

In following-up via email, which phrase do you prefer?

(Let’s assume that these messages are not cold pitches — you’re not selling something to a stranger.)

1. Help me understand why you never replied.

2. I can’t figure out why you never replied.

In my view, #1 (“Help me”) puts the burden on the other person, whereas #2 (“I can’t figure out”) keeps the burden on yourself.

On the other hand, when I polled several colleagues, I heard a different perspective. They argue that #2 is a statement of fact that sets up a you/me division, whereas #1 is more collaborative, less confrontational, and action-oriented.

One of these folks adds an addendum (which, as it happens, I recently used myself):

“Either opening can be redeemed if your next sentence concedes that the fault is yours: ‘Did my letter come across as brusque? If so, that certainly is not my intention.’”

Yet another respondent, who views the above replies as aggressive, offers a third option:

“I haven’t seen a reply from you.”

She explains: “Yes, it’s less direct, but it’s less aggressive. It alerts the person to the fact that they haven’t responded but lets it slide as an honest mistake, which it may or may not be :).”

What do you think?

Addendum (2/9/2020): Another colleague offers another option:

4. Just following up — I know it’s easy for emails to get lost in the shuffle.

How to Follow-Up Politely But Pointedly

Here’s a message I sent to an executive recruiter who friended me on LinkedIn. (It worked.)

Hi [Redacted],

I got an invite from you a couple of months ago, and so I asked if you had any opportunities for which I’d be a good fit. I never heard back, which makes me curious why you asked to connect?

It’s perfectly fine if you don’t have anything at the moment; I’m interested only in freelance or consulting opportunities.

I hope this message doesn’t come across the wrong way, and I hope to hear from you.

Thanks.

How to Reply in Uncomfortable Situations

1. You’ve sent several messages, but your prospect won’t reply.
Before I close out your file, I thought I’d send over one last email. I’m sure you can appreciate my curiosity as to where things stand. I’d welcome your candor.

2. Someone you don’t know sends you an invite to connect on LinkedIn.
I didn’t see a note attached to your invite, so I’m not sure why you’d like to connect. Is there something I can do for you?

3. You’re asked to speak at a conference, but they don’t want to compensate you.
While I’d love to speak and am happy to waive my fee, I’d need you to cover transportation and lodging. Otherwise, I’d be shelling out a significant amount of money to do what I typically get paid for. Again, happy to do it at cost, but I can’t lose money. Thanks for understanding.

4. You’re asked to write something, and are offered exposure for your brand rather than money.
I’d love to help you, but I can’t work for free.

5. After you speak with a prospect, he says, “Let’s reconnect in a couple weeks.”
I look forward to reconnecting. Unless I’m mistaken (and please do correct me if I am), I believe the ball is now in your court, so I’ll look to hear from you whenever the time is right.

6. A prospect says you’re too expensive.
I wish I could lower my price, but this is the market rate for someone with my experience. I wish you luck finding someone within your budget.

7. A prospect says he has additional projects for you, and so wants a discount for the first one.
I’m happy to discuss bulk discounts once we finish the first project.

8. A prospect wants you to lower your price.
Use one of these one liners.

Shift the conversation away from price to value.

9. Someone you know hasn’t replied to your email, text, direct message, etc.
It’s not like you to not reply. Everything ok?

10. I’ll call at around 10 or so.
I have a tight schedule today; can we speak at 11 rather than around 10?

11. Someone sends you a private message on Slack, but you’d prefer to respond publicly.
Would you mind asking me this publicly?

11. What’s your hourly rate?
My fees are value-based — which means you’re paying for the value and ROI of the finished product, not the time I spend producing it.

(Credit to Kaleigh Moore for this one.)

12. When you’re introduced to someone via email, but it’s unclear why.
I’m sorry to be abrupt, but I’ve found that making the purpose of a call explicit beforehand is helpful for everyone. Can you clarify?

13. When a prospect sends you a Facebook friend request instead of replying your Facebook message.
I see you sent me a friend request. I try to limit my Facebook friends to people I know.

14. Can you share a rate sheet?
My fees aren’t fixed. Instead, I charge based on the given individual’s materials and needs. For example, a recent grad who needs a one-page résumé is different from a C.E.O. who needs executive positioning.

That said, what I can tell you is that, given my experience, I’m expensive. I can also say that buying multiple services as a package is cheaper than buying them a la carte.

Why You Should Always Follow-Up

When to follow-up with someone is a decidedly thorny issue. Do you wait one day, one week, one month?

There’s no right answer—as always, context is king, and patience is a virtue—but here’s a good story that illustrates the importance of doing so:

“It was so Washington, the way they met. She was on the dais at a panel discussion on media and politics, holding forth knowledgeably; he was in the audience, smitten. At the steakhouse dinner that “followed, Jake Brewer got the courage to walk up to Mary Katharine Ham and give her the hopeful, ambiguous let’s get a drink sometime line.

“Then he emailed her an invitation to a tech policy luncheon. She never replied.

“Soon after, he was sitting at El Tamarindo in Adams Morgan with a friend, and she was beelining for their table. She greeted the mutual friend at his table—and only then turned to him with a friendly stare of nonrecognition.

“’Hi,’ she told Jake. ‘I’m Mary Katharine Ham.’

Later, they got married and had two children.

Even Cabinet Secretaries Have to Follow-up With Their Staff

How to Follow-up When Job Searching

Michael Kinsley does it perfectly in this 1975 letter to the New Republic.

This is an inquiry about a summer job. I wrote to Marty Peretz, who is a former teacher of mine, several months ago, but received no response. Under the assumption that he is a busy man I have declined to take a hint, and now write to you. A resume and some samples are enclosed. They are mostly humorous (at least in intent) but, as the resume indicates, I have written serious pieces as well for various publications and have a Nader book coming out in the fall whose tone could best be described as morose. Friends at TNR might be willing to put in a good word for me: Tom Geoghegan or Eliot Marshall among the old guard, or Linc Caplan among the new. Tom and I were roommates for two summers while I was working for Nader and he was working for you. I know Ralph would vouch for me, and I hope Marty would as well. Thanks very much.

Use Humor When Following-Up

The art of the follow-up is one of the thorniest decisions we all make everyday. Questions abound. Have I given the other person enough time to respond? How do I communicate urgency without being rude? What’s the best subject line to use? Should I keep the message short, or should I recap things?

In an excellent presentation, HubSpot’s inbound marketing specialist, Michael Pici, reprints one of his best-performing emails. I’m publishing it here (with light edits) because it captures one of the timeless ways to elicit a response: through humor.

Should I stay or should I go?

Dan,

While I’ve tried to reach you, I haven’t heard back and that tells me one of three things:

1. You’ve chosen another company to help you with online lead generation. If that’s the case, please let me know so I can stop bothering you.

2. You’re still interested but haven’t had the time to fully consider this yet.

3. You’ve fallen and can’t get up. In that case, let me know and I’ll call 911 for you.

Please let me know which one it is because I’m starting to worry…

Thanks in advance. I look forward to hearing from you.

Asked whether they received your message, most people will admit they did indeed; they just haven’t had a chance to process it yet. Fair enough.

But perhaps that’s because your email wasn’t memorable enough. Not only does Pici employ an stand-out subject line—“Should I stay or should I go?”—he also applies this deft touch to his body text.

To be sure, some may appreciate this style; to such a mentality, casualness can be a deal breaker. Yet for the client who “gets it,” irreverence is charm. And wouldn’t you rather work with people like yourself?

Addendum (1/17/2016): Here’s another excellent HubSpot presentation on the art of the follow-up. See also “How Following Up Can Help You Land the Job,” from the Muse.